It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
