well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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