My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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