Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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