i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
