I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
