am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
