so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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