who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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