I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
