We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
