Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the day after is always just damage control
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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