they need to just BURY HIM!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize