I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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