i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
