I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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