it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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