i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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