Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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