I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
