No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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