last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My feet surprised me
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