yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
