from now on my penis is your penis
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
