And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
