Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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