xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
