Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I feel like a drive thru vagina
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
