Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
