Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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