We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she told me i tasted like america
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
