I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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