So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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