i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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