Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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