this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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