the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I bet he comes in French.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize