ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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