so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
