How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
