i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
