i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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