when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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