My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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