This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
