Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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