worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
