i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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