Plan B is the new Plan A
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
