Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
