Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
