Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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