Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
third nipple confirmed
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
