Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
