I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
