How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
