and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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