we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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