White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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