Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
