whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
