the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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