Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
