OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
