I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Mom said you looked used
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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